Our 
suffering comes from our thoughts, desires, convictions about what life should be, what should happen, not from what is actually happening. Suffering will cease as we let go of this clinging & craving for things that aren’t. When we experience grief, we want back what we lost.
When we are angry with someone, we want this person to behave differently than they do. We experience anxiety about (imaginary) things we do not want to happen. In all these cases, you are wasting energy fighting reality – in the last case, even a reality that does not exist and most likely will never exist.
The unthinkable suffering Victor Frankl experienced in the concentration camps left him with wisdom where death was close, because he was able to maintain purpose, meaning in his need to survive this suffering. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, you’ll find his endless wisdom that prescribes us to find meaning in the things that we want to believe should not be so. Once we find that meaning, we know that everything is as it should be – even the bad experiences have a purpose.
As we stop trying to change reality, as we let go of our thoughts of how this world ought to be for us… That’s when we gain happiness in return.
Our consciousness is relative – how many times have you felt bad about an experience only to realize later on that it was good it happened? The break up with that boy-/girlfriend, losing a job opportunity only to find a better one, the relief you felt after a difficult discussion that you had been postponing.
We can learn from this – happiness stems from the immaterial, from learning, from growth, from appreciation, while material items give little and certainly no long-lasting satisfaction.
In our daily life, we tend to think peace comes from peaceful (life) situations, love comes from relationships and happiness from possessions or achievements. None of this is true. Believing that this is true only leads to suffering.
Our “existence” is not defined by our current physical being: most cells in our body get replaced within days or months. Your body changes, and your brain is equally malleable. It’s not as hard as you may think to change your mind and lift yourself to a happier state of mind.
Unconditional love, true happiness and deep peace are states of mind that come from within, from your connection with the field of consciousness, or Oneness, or however you want to call it. Everyone who has been to one of my family constellations workshops has experienced this: the love that exists despite everything, the peace in the field even when people are dead, the happiness, release, love, joy, no matter what happened, that feeling right there at the moment of resolution of the question at hand.
Connect to this higher consciousness level every day in meditation and you’ll find your questions get their answers. You’ll heal your inner child with that unconditional love and this love for yourself, at all ages, will ensure you’ll live differently: you’ll take care of your body and your boundaries without questioning how, because it will be a natural response from a place of love, maintaining peace and happiness, all at once. I get that this may be difficult to understand, it took me years, so don’t fret, be patient, and keep going, you’re on the right track.
The Buddha’s and Victor Frankl’s wisdom may speak to us, but how do we achieve this, in our daily lives if we’ve never even done meditation?
If you are looking for a practical entrance to this kind of thinking, check out Byron Katie at thework.com.
Her “judge-your-neighbour” worksheet gives you all the training you need: it frees your thinking, helps you release convictions, limiting beliefs, and clinging to what’s no longer useful.
For a more meditative way to change your mind: read or listen to Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira or Michael A. Singer. They are all fabulous and will change your life forever.
And, you’re very welcome to connect with me if you want to add more tools to your toolbox for a good life.